


The Sad Fact

by DefaltManifesto



Series: 30 Day Song Lyric Challenge [26]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken | Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword
Genre: Betrayal, Dubious Consent, Eliwood is in love and Harken isn't, Hypervigilance, Internalized Victim Blaming, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Non-Consensual Kissing, Platonic Dom/sub, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt, Trust Issues, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 07:56:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13162629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: “I suppose I thought I was finally safe again now that I was home,” Harken says. “But I don’t think I can make this place home.”





	The Sad Fact

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE HEED THE TAGS. I'll put a more detailed note with spoilers at the end if you need it for a trigger warning. 
> 
> This was supposed to be a happy fic and then it wasn't. Also, if you're not in the Hockey RPF fandom you're probably like: What the hell is kneeling fic and basically it's my fav fic. It comes from the idea that 'rookie players' would kneel for 'veteran players' to help ground them or w/e (basically platonic D/s relationships cuz why not). I love kneeling fic and I miss that now that I'm out of that fandom. So I'll bring it to other fandoms!
> 
> Today's lyric for today was from Beekeeper by Keaton:
> 
> "You all say I've crossed a line/but the sad fact is I've lost my mind"

To say Harken was mentally unstable would be an understatement. The man is Eliwood’s shadow even after the fighting is over, watching him with an intensity that at first makes Eliwood want to hide. Over time, he grows used to it. It stops bothering him, and at Harken’s request, he moves the man’s quarters so they’re across from his own to bring him peace of mind. Perhaps it’s not good to indulge Harken’s paranoia, but Eliwood isn’t sure of how else to help.

 

-.-

 

Harken makes Marcus uneasy. Unlike the rest of Eliwood’s friends and retainers, he doesn’t hold his tongue.

“You should push him to retire,” Marcus says as they cool down from their sparring match. “It’s not healthy for him to spend all his time watching over you all hours of the day.”

“I’m aware,” Eliwood says. “Retiring won’t help him either. His whole life was built on serving my father and then me. I can’t ask him to give that up.”

Marcus frowns and looks over Eliwood’s shoulder to where Harken is no doubt standing just out of earshot. “I suppose not. But you can’t let this continue.”

 

-.-

 

Eliwood gets the idea when talking to Lyn. She’d been talking about how even now, she struggled to turn off her instincts and not remain vigilant to enemy threats at all times. In a lot of ways, Eliwood imagines that’s what Harken feels. Only worse.

He summons Harken to his study, stomach twisting in knots from nerves because this could either go very poorly or very well. Harken closes the door.

“You asked to see me, Milord.”

“Yes I did,” Eliwood says with an authority he doesn’t feel. “Come here.”

Harken moves around the side of his desk, gaze falling to the pillow Eliwood has placed next to his chair.

“I’d like to see you kneel here,” Eliwood says.

 

-.-

 

Harken knows he isn’t healthy. He’s not sure what he did to be blessed with a king willing to tolerate his obsessive need to watch over him, but he’s grateful. He’d do anything for Eliwood. His brain stutters to a stop at the newest command though.

“Sir?” A feeling like lead weighs down his stomach. “Did I do something wrong?”

He’s not sure what he could’ve done to deserve humiliation.

“Nothing, I just want you to relax,” Eliwood says. “You’re constantly alert to make sure I’m safe and so I figured…this would let you be close to me so you can rest. No one can get to me or even move me without you noticing and at least you can sit and rest or sleep or whatever. Sorry, I probably didn’t execute this idea well.”

Harken stares at him, mind struggling to process the information. It’s unconventional. As far as propriety goes, well, this throws that right out the window and yet there’s something appealing about the idea. It’s an elegant solution in a way. Harken can’t ever stop worrying about Eliwood no matter how hard he tries and it robs him of sleep and no matter how much he eats or trains he continues to lose weight. But here…perhaps he could rest his body and mind for just a moment.

He shuffles forward and after unbuckling his sword and sheath, falls to his knees. He holds the sword in his lap, hand on the hilt. When he looks up, Eliwood is frowning as he looks at where Harken cradles his sword and for a moment, Harken feels something like panic. Then Eliwood smiles.

“That’s good,” he says. “Just rest your head on my leg and sleep okay? Or at least rest your eyes.”

Harken hesitates for a moment before giving into what his body is so desperate for. He slumps to the side and rests his head on Eliwood’s thigh, the last of the tension draining out of him. It’s still humiliating in a way. He knows Eliwood isn’t judging him for his weakness, but there’s a part of him that still rages at the idea that he would require something so odd from his King just to relax. He shoves those thoughts away and falls asleep with the reassuring warmth of Eliwood’s leg under his cheek.

 

-.-

 

It becomes routine. In the middle of the afternoon, Eliwood retires to his study with Harken and locks the door. Harken kneels before him and rests. It’s not perfect. Ideally, he’d get as much sleep as everyone else instead of a few hours of tossing and turning and an hour of deep sleep at his King’s feet. It’s still an improvement though. He notices the ever present tension in his chest and mind eases as the weeks press on. The act of submission and trust once a day reaffirms each time that he doesn’t have to be vigilant at all hours for Eliwood to be safe.

Most times, he wakes up with Eliwood’s fingers in his hair. Sometimes, Harken stays there even after he wakes and cherishes the feeling of being touched and appreciated even in his moment of weakness. The guilt still chases his heels but it doesn’t feel as stifling. Eliwood wouldn’t do this for him if he still held Harken responsible for his father’s death after all. Even Eliwood isn’t that self-sacrificing.

 

-.-

 

It changes. That shouldn’t be surprising to Harken, and yet somehow it is. Eliwood kisses him one day when he stands to leave, chaste like the touches of his hands in Harken’s hair. Harken doesn’t kiss back. He’d give Eliwood everything, because he loves him, but this feels less like love and more like manipulation. He pushes Eliwood back.

“Milord, we shouldn’t,” he says.

“Ah…” Eliwood winces and backs up. “I apologize. Perhaps I was reading more into this than there is.”

“It’s just not right, Milord,” Harken insists, determined not to let Eliwood think for a moment that he’s undesired even if Harken would never dream of such a thing with him. “You have a kingdom to provide an heir for.”

“You’re right,” Eliwood says. “I apologize. I acted out of line.”

“If circumstances were different I…” Harken ducks his head. “It would be something to discuss.”

“So you are attracted to me?”

He bites the inside of his cheek, knowing he can’t keep up the charade. He loves Eliwood deeply, but it’s not romantic or sexual in nature. Part of his inability to give Eliwood what he wants is guilt, but truly he just wants the best for Eliwood and while he’s grateful Eliwood is willing to accommodate his broken mind, he knows the best for Eliwood is not him. No matter what Eliwood has given him, he can’t give Eliwood what he wants.

“No,” Harken says.

Eliwood looks down. “Well this is embarrassing.”

“Anyone would be lucky to have you, Milord,” Harken says.

Eliwood smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

           

-.-

 

The request for reassignment from Harken comes as a shock to Marcus. The man followed Eliwood around with such devotion, that even now that he started to look a little healthier, still was somewhat disturbing. There’s a haunted look in Harken’s eyes when he asks. Marcus fears asking what’s wrong, but he’d be remiss if he didn’t.

"Harken, where is this request coming from?” Marcus asks.

“I suppose I thought I was finally safe again now that I was home,” Harken says. “But I don’t think I can make this place home.”

“Did Eliwood say something?” Marcus asks, frown deepening.

Harken smiles and shakes his head. “Lord Eliwood is a good leader. Perhaps if I were a better man I could be deserving of his favor and patience.”

“I see.”

Marcus can’t help but wonder if he made a grave error.

**Author's Note:**

> Eliwood takes advantage of Harken's mental state and obedience in an attempt to get sex. Harken rejects him, blames himself for not being good enough to give Eliwood what he wants, and requests a transfer to get away from Eliwood.


End file.
